I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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