I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
