I'm eating all of the evidence.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
