Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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