was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
