I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
