Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
