thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
