He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He passed out mid-signature
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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