my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
