I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
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I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
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I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.