Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.