try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
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am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
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I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?