at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.