Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I came so hard my ears popped.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
