Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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