After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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