I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
