I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
