I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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