Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
