Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
