so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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