I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
