OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
