I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
