oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
