You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
