when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
