my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
