The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
