i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
