My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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