I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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