just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
