You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
