he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
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I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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