im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
