She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
