i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
