So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
