i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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