My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
