Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
