So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
