We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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