The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
