I just made out with a guy for $7.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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