nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Randomize