Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
