I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize