I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
sex in a hospital.. check
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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