my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
be right there i have to get my cape
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
