And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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