I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
