So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
