Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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