you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
