Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
