Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
