Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
