dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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