I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
