im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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