I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Randomize
