Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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