whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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