"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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