Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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