you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
